Big News!

We are PREGNANT!! We found out this past weekend. It was a bit of a surprise, because I had pretty much given up on this month. I had starting showing my usual symptoms, which I assumed meant I was not pregnant again. I had already talked with the doctor and made plans for next month. Then my symptoms stopped and I decided on a whim to take a test. To my surprise, it was positive! The problem was it had only been 12 days since my last hCG shot. You're supposed to wait 14 days, but the nurse had told me I could go ahead and test on day 12 because it would probably be all out of my system. If the shot was still in my system, it could be the cause of the positive test. So I rushed to the doctor and had blood drawn. This was on Friday, so we had to wait all weekend to find out the results!! It was agonizing! I kept taking pregnancy tests each day, and each day it was positive. I had already been having LOTS of symptoms, including a lot of nausea, for a week or two already. So that with the positive tests and the fact that I was a few days late pretty well convinced me.

My hCG came back at 526, which is really high, and my progesterone was 18, which is normal. I had more blood drawn on Monday to compare and make sure my hormones were increasing. The hCG levels should have doubled, maybe tripled. It turns out, they more than QUADRUPLED! It went up to 2248! My progesterone went down a little (16.8), so they have started me on prometrium supplements. A 16.8 is still considered normal-- it's just a precaution. So with all these high hormones, LOTS of nausea, and the fact that I took Clomid and 2 hCG shots this month, it makes us wonder if twins are in our future! When my regular OB heard about the meds I had been on, even she said, "There may be more than one in there!"

The timing is crazy (and awesome), and we're really excited! I'm feeling a little hesitant to get too excited or start planning, but I'm trying to remember to trust God and not give myself room for fear. Our first ultrasound is on January 5, which is right after we get back from our trip to West Asia and London!

Our due date is August 18, 2011. Please pray for the health of our baby (or babies!)!!!! It's really early-- I'll be 5 weeks tomorrow, so it's still risky at this point. Especially pray for the baby's health during our trip overseas.

Open hands

Our trip to Florida was great! We enjoyed having the chance to relax and enjoy the ocean, good seafood, and a little miniature golf. Although it was only a few days, it was rejuvenating! After our trip, I took a sewing class to freshen up on my sewing skills. I made a jacket, which was a first for me, and it was a lot of fun. We've had a lot of other things going on in the last month and a half, and now I think we're to the point where things will (hopefully) slow down a bit. We are planning a trip in December to a country in West Asia to visit friends, and we'll make a stop in London, England, for a few days on the way home. We'll be spending Christmas with our friends in West Asia and New Year's in London! We're sad to miss spending time with our family over Christmas, but we're really excited about being with our friends and experiencing a new place!

As for the fertility stuff, we have a few encouraging updates. Although we were not pregnant last month, the HCG shot did help to improve my symptoms a little. They're not completely gone, but they improved! I talked with the doctor and she said that this month we should try Clomid and the HCG shot. I'm thinking (and hoping) that adding the Clomid will be just what I need for my symptoms to go away! So this month I took Clomid for a few days, then got an ultrasound to check my follicles. They were mature, so Ben gave me the HCG shot. So we'll see how it goes! Another thing the doctor mentioned last month was that we could also re-try taking progesterone, maybe next month. Progesterone is typically what's prescribed for my particular symptoms. We haven't tried it in a while because last time I took it, it actually made my symptoms a little worse! But the doctor reminded me that I was taking baby aspirin at that time (because the doctors thought I had a clotting disorder, when I actually had a bleeding disorder!), so maybe the progesterone will actually help this time. I was encouraged by this idea-- we have two definite treatments to try, which felt like we might actually be getting somewhere. If none of these things work, Ben and I may try pursuing more serious testing before continuing with any more treatments.

It has been amazing to watch how God has provided for our fertility testing and treatments so far. For example, last month I ended up getting two ultrasounds, just to find out both times that my ovaries were not ready for the HCG shot. Each ultrasound cost $220 out of pocket, and it was expected that insurance would not cover any of it. Then, a few days later, the shot cost $140! So we ended up spending $560 just for one month! We were pretty discouraged by that, and knew we couldn't keep up with those costs each month. But it turned out that, even though our insurance policy says it doesn't cover fertility treatments, they are covering about $200 from each ultrasound and maybe the entire cost of the shot! And that's only one example of how God has provided! It's been so incredible.

I've also been blessed this month by something God is teaching (or, re-teaching) me. I realized that lately I have been desperately holding the whole baby issue very tightly, and I haven't been open to the possibility that God may not want us to be trying to have a baby at this time. I'm not saying that I think He wants us to do something different at this point, but I haven't been open to letting Him do whatever He wants in our lives. So I decided to let go and surrender (and still try to each day) so that He can direct us as He wants. Ben and I have been praying for clear direction about what He wants us to do, whether that be to continue with what we're doing, begin the adoption process, some combination of the two, or just stop all of it altogether. Neither of us feel like we've gotten crystal clear direction at this point, so our plan is to continue doing what we're doing until He says otherwise. But we have both felt encouraged by the way things are going in the last few weeks, especially after seeing improvement in my symptoms. The really amazing thing is that I can't believe how much weight has been lifted off my shoulders as I've chosen to surrender. I think I was using so much emotional energy and stress to hold onto the issue so tightly, and once I let go and began holding it with open hands, I have felt so much more peace. I was so afraid to let go because it seemed so scary and uncertain, but now I've found that it's actually less scary to just let God be the one to take care of it. Surrender is something I must do daily, and it's not always easy, but I feel so much better about the situation when I just let God decide. God really is trustworthy and good. He knows what He's doing!

So if you would like to know how to pray for us, please pray that:

• The medicines I took this month would get rid of my fertility problems
• We would get pregnant soon
• God would give us both clear direction
• I would continue to surrender to God's will on a daily basis
• We would have patience and wisdom in this whole situation

Thank you! I'll try to post an update again in the next couple weeks about how the medicines have worked.

Back to the doctor...

So I'm feeling fully recovered from my surgery! I'm back to all my normal activities, and I don't have any more pain at my incisions or in my abdominal muscles. Unfortunately, though, I'm still having some of the same problems I was having before my surgery. We had assumed those were probably related to the endometriosis, but apparently they aren't related because the problems are still here! It's been pretty discouraging. After making several calls to my doctor, she told me to come in for a visit this morning. She's not sure about the cause of my symptoms, but she is going to have me start taking the fertility drug Clomid, which often helps with symptoms like mine. It's too late to start it this month, so I'll be going in on Tuesday for an ultrasound, after which they'll give me an injection of another fertility drug that will cause me to ovulate. If I don't get pregnant this month, I'll start the Clomid next month. And if I don't get pregnant then, I'll go back in for further testing.

In case anyone's wondering, the dose of Clomid that I will be on (and the injection I get next week) will only slightly increase our chances of multiple births. If I get pregnant on Clomid, it's a 90% chance that it's a single baby, and a 10% chance that it could be multiples. Of that 10%, it would most likely be twins. So definitely not the kind of risk for multiples with this drug that you hear about on TV! ;) Not that we would complain-- we'd be glad for whatever God gives!

Anyway, we have had some exciting things going on lately! I've been watching my nieces while my sister-in-law, Sharon, has been out of town. That's been a lot of fun! And Extreme Makeover: Home Edition showed up at our church to rebuild our preschool, which was destroyed in the floods in May! I got to volunteer last night, and we're planning to go again tonight. I'm also going to be at the reveal on Friday with my nieces, which will be really exciting! Next weekend, we'll be heading to Florida for a few days to get some much-needed relaxation!

I'll be sure to post some photos from our trip and more updates on the fertility drug stuff. Here's a photo of me and my friend Caretia from last night at the Extreme Makeover build site!

Post-Op Appointment Today

I had my post-op appointment today, and it went very well. The doctor said my incisions look great and she took out my stitches. She re-explained what they found in my surgery, and we discussed the plan at this point. We can start trying to get pregnant right away and she expects that it will take 3-4 months, as long as nothing else is wrong. That was encouraging to hear! If we don't get pregnant within the next 4 or 5 months, we have to go back in and she may do some more testing and look into doing artificial insemination. So we'll continue praying, and hope that we don't get to the point where we have to make that decision.

Endometriosis can come back, so I asked her about what to do in the future. It seems the best way to prevent it from coming back is to either be on birth control or to be pregnant. She suggests that after we have a baby, I should get right back on the pill. I would really like to avoid being on the pill pretty much ever again, but I also don't want to have problems getting pregnant again either. So at some point, probably after I get pregnant, Ben and I will have to decide what we want to do-- if we want to get on the pill, go without it and risk the endometriosis coming back, or just get pregnant again quickly.

As for the rest of my recovery, the doctor said I can start a little exercising, like walking and upper-body stuff, but no sit-ups or crunches for another 2 weeks. In a way, it's kind of nice to hear the doctor say you're not allowed to work out ;) , but I really would like to get back to my usual routine. But that's no big deal-- I'll figure it out.

So overall my appointment was encouraging! I'm excited, but trying not to get my hopes up and be too impatient. But, honestly, I think it may already be too late... :)

Surgery

My surgery last Thursday went well! About an hour or two before my surgery, they gave me the DDAVP medication to keep me from bleeding too much. After the surgery, the doctor explained that I had mild endometriosis (I think they call that "stage 2"), but that the endometrial tissue had grown onto a lot of other organs in the area, such as my bladder, colon, and one of my ovaries. The doctor said that she believes that the endometriosis was probably keeping us from getting pregnant, and she thinks that this procedure will greatly increase our chances of getting pregnant.

After the surgery, I woke up with a lot of pain in my abdomen and my shoulders (due to the carbon dioxide gas they use to blow up your belly during the procedure). I rested for the remainder of the day. The shoulder pain was gone by the next morning, but my belly has still been very sore. Over the last day or so, my belly has started get smaller and I've had a little less discomfort from the CO₂. I'm off of my stronger pain medications, and my incisions are still very painful. The pain should really improve in the next couple days-- otherwise I'll have to go to the doctor and have her check everything out.

I really don't know what to expect as far as how long my recovery will take. I have a follow-up appointment with my doctor on July 21. She'll re-explain everything that happened in the surgery, remove my stitches, and talk to us about our next steps. (Right after the surgery, she told Ben we could start trying to get pregnant again right away, which I assume means right after my follow-up appointment.)

I'm very grateful that I was able to have the surgery and that it went so well. And, though it may sound strange, I'm glad that they did find endometriosis. At least we know what could have been the problem over the last year, and now we have better chances of having a baby!

Rescheduled again!

Yep, my surgery has been rescheduled again! I still haven't heard the results from the medication they gave me on Thursday. The hematologist called my fertility doctor yesterday and explained my diagnosis and the plan for giving me the medicine before surgery. He seemed to expect that the results from the medication would be good, because when he talked to her, he still hadn't gotten them back yet. So the fertility doctor called me and told me we would have to move my surgery to the hospital rather than the surgery center. She told me the time would likely change. Later I heard from the surgery coordinator and she said that we had to reschedule for July 8 at 1pm. That was the first time that both the doctor and hospital were available. So it's pretty frustrating, mostly because we've been preparing our lives again, and because I'm on the birth control, and by the time of my surgery I will have been on it for 5 weeks! I've told them I need to change to a different brand, because this particular one is making me so sick and I've started losing weight. Thankfully, I don't think the surgery will get moved around again. At least I hope it won't!

Lots of things going on!

Wow, it's been a long time since I've updated! Here's a brief summary of the last few months...

• In February, Ben and I traveled with his parents to Los Angeles, where I had the privilege of meeting many of his family members for the first time. We also got to visit Disneyland while we were there. Lots of fun!
• Also in February, Ben had a fertility test. The results did not appear to be good. He started taking a lot of vitamin C in addition to a multivitamin, hoping it would help. We decided to take a two-month break from trying to get pregnant. (We've just finished this two-month break and we're starting fertility testing/treatment... read below.)
• We celebrated Elam's first birthday on March 2. Some of our friends and family joined us at the gravesite, we had dinner, then came home for some birthday cake. We were very blessed by everyone's support! Emotionally, we were ok. The day after his birthday was much harder for me. I think not being pregnant yet made his birthday a lot harder than it would have been otherwise. But that's ok. Trying to remember to receive everything as a gift and trust God and His timing...
• I am still doing volunteer work at our church. I'm now also maintaining the church website, which I really enjoy!
• Our life group is undergoing some changes. We have merged with a larger group, and we'll be multiplying in a few months. We've enjoyed the changes so far, and we look forward to getting to know the people in the large group better.

A lot has been going on in the last couple weeks! I spent the last week of April, including my birthday on the 27th, in Orlando with my very good friends and their three kids. We spent time in the awesome pool at the resort, went to Disney World for a day, and Seaworld for two days. We had a lot of fun! The only thing that would have made it better is if Ben had been able to come with us. Unfortunately, he couldn't take the time off work to come.

We returned to Nashville on May 1st, just a few hours before the massive flooding began! Our neighborhood is located right next to Mill Creek, where the waters rose well above flood stage. The water began creeping up our street, and was only 1-2 houses away. We started putting a lot of our belongings up high in the house in preparation for a flood. Thank goodness the waters quit rising and our home was spared. Unfortunately, many homes in our area, and our church buildings, were not. Since the flooding, we've been trying to do our part to conserve water, keep our church website updated for volunteers and donors, and we've done some volunteering of our own to help families in the area. It's been a crazy week!

Also this week, we had our first appointment with the fertility specialist. It was a good, encouraging appointment. My OB seemed really concerned about Ben's test results from February, and she thought they would likely recommend artificial insemination. However, our fertility doctor did not seem too concerned. She just told him to stop drinking caffeine and take antibiotics for a couple weeks just in case. She's also testing both of our blood for problems. While we were there, she got our (very complicated) medical history, and she did an ultrasound and exam on me. During the ultrasound, she was able to rule out a few major problems. Like my other doctors have thought for years, she suspects that I have endometriosis, which could be the reason we have not gotten pregnant. (We started trying to get pregnant about 10 months ago.) I'm scheduled for laparoscopic surgery on Thursday, May 13, to diagnose and treat the endometriosis. We've known for years that I'd probably have to get this surgery eventually, especially if we ever had trouble getting pregnant. The recovery sounds a little rough. I'm hoping it won't be as bad as they've described! Please pray! We're really hoping that this is all the treatment we need to be able to get pregnant.

So this next week, we'll be doing a little more flood relief work, and we'll be working to prepare our home and the little details of our lives for my surgery and recovery, which hopefully won't take too long!

Well, I think that's it for now. Lots of things going on! I'll try to update again soon after surgery. We appreciate your prayers!

Trying to Wait Patiently...

It's been a long time since I last updated this blog! Sorry to anyone who's been coming here over the last few months only to find that I haven't written anything new! I kept thinking I'd wait a little longer til I had some good news to report (regarding pregnancy), but that hasn't really happened like I thought it would...

I'll get right to the pregnancy topic, since that's probably what most people are looking to read about. We've been trying to get pregnant for five and a half months now. It's a difficult process. I really try not to get my hopes up each month, but it's hard to avoid it. Last month, I did much better, but it's still hard. I wouldn't say we're stressed about it-- mostly just sad. Most months, I have one or two days where I feel pretty distraught, desperate, disappointed, etc. Those days often coincide with my changing hormones. But those feelings pass. Otherwise, we're just waiting, trying to be patient.

For the last several months, I've had some slightly concerning symptoms regarding my hormones. This last month was the worst yet. The doctor tested my progesterone, but the results came back normal. But I'm going to start taking progesterone this month just in case, because my symptoms indicate that my progesterone levels aren't staying as high as they should in order to get pregnant. Please pray this helps. Sometimes I'm really encouraged about trying the progesterone-- that maybe it will help us get pregnant right away. But then sometimes I feel like we're sort of starting all over.

Lately it's been helpful for me to think back to what I learned with Elam, and to remember that it still applies in this situation. Strangely, I've had a harder time with God about not getting pregnant again than I did with Him taking Elam. Maybe that sounds bad, like I didn't care about Him taking Elam. Of course that's not the case! I desperately wanted my baby boy. I think I just expected to get pregnant quickly this time. Not that He owed me anything. I just expected it. (Probably has to do with getting pregnant in only 3 months last time.) So I'm having to remember that just like Him taking Elam was better (because it was His will, which is perfect and better than my own will), not being pregnant right now is also better. It's God's will that I'm not pregnant right now. And I can trust Him that that is a good thing. Strange as it sounds, not being pregnant right now is a gift, and I want to receive it as such, in gratitude (Eph. 5:20, Col. 3:17). That thought has been helpful for me. I'm definitely still aware that I'm not in control, something I was constantly reminded of while pregnant with Elam. A baby is God's to give. Ben and I can't make it happen. In light of that, I have two choices-- to be upset and angry with God, or to just trust Him and wait. I think I'd prefer trusting and waiting patiently to being angry and discontent! ;) So that's where my thoughts are right now. I'd appreciate prayer for patience for both me and Ben.

In other news from the last several months, our very good friends moved to West Asia back in September to spread the gospel there. It's been sad not having them here, but we still stay in touch with them thanks to email and Skype. Ben and I took a wonderful vacation to Florida right after they left. It was a much-needed vacation, and it was so relaxing. We really enjoyed spending the time with each other. Ben started teaching college courses online in October. So far that's been easy for him to manage, and it will hopefully help us pay off our car soon. I started working at our church as the life groups ministry assistant around the same time. I've definitely enjoyed helping the life groups ministry. I'm still trying to figure out when I need to set some limits, though, so I can be sure to have space in my schedule for other important things that come up, like spending time with people, helping people out, etc. Ben and I really value simplicity and not being so busy that you miss out on the most important things. It takes discipline, but it's worth it.

God has really blessed our marriage lately with more kindness, more patience, and better communication. We've simply been enjoying and loving each other more lately, which has been very nice! And that's especially helpful considering how our lives have been over the last year and a half, losing our little one and then taking longer than expected to get pregnant again. Very grateful for God's mercies!

Thanks for praying for us!

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:14

At the beach in September 2009

I'm a bit afraid of being in the ocean. So I preferred staying in our little inflatable boat instead. :)

Behind the waterfall during mini-golf in Florida